selleck vs. boar: round 1

oh selleck! let me boil
your browsweat to sea salt
to season my kale chips.

let me consume a meatsteak.
be my arsonist, and i'll be your
boarded-up housing project.

let's meet local singles who love
wild boar hunting, and take them
wild boar hunting. let's build us

a ranch. sometimes i cry
for the poor kids in africa
who can't even afford ammunition.

effluvium: wild boar with lockjaw

hrrrrrgggghh!

hrrrgggghh! hrrrggggghhh!

the invention of love (feat. macguyver)

you make me hotter than a weiner
in a solar-cooker.

you make me hotter than macguyver
building a solar-cooker
out of tin foil and a bowl
and sticking his weiner in it.

let's grill out.

you know whose an idiot? babies.

it's like: who wants to
jumpboard brainwaves
at the coma party?

can't speak english
for shit
can't do mathematics
for shit

not even pre-algebra
in which, when i took it,
even that retreaded guy
got pretty high marks.

car keys are not food
squeak toys are not food
toes blankets are not food
dog food is not food