17 November 2009

this dick: a treatise on deontological ethics

this dick is a cold war
this dick is on fire
this dick ghost rides the whip with the kid in the carseat

this dick is a planet
this dick is a gun
this dick is a planet where guns sprout from the torpid earth
like bursting turnips

this dick flosses 3-5 times a week
this dick owns a beach house
this dick acted now for a low, low rate of 5.9% APR

this dick can kickflip
this dick is a baller
this dick is huge in japan

this dick, falling, accelerates at a rate of 9.8 meters per second
per second

06 October 2009

the invention of love (feat. macguyver)

you make me hotter than a weiner
in a solar-cooker.

you make me hotter than macguyver
building a solar-cooker
out of tin foil and a bowl
and sticking his weiner in it.

let's grill out.

28 August 2009

tom selleck

sometimes when i see tom selleck
i cry

14 August 2009

you know whose an idiot? babies.

it's like: who wants to
jumpboard brainwaves
at the coma party?

can't speak english
for shit
can't do mathematics
for shit

not even pre-algebra
in which, when i took it,
even that retreaded guy
got pretty high marks.

car keys are not food
squeak toys are not food
toes blankets are not food
dog food is not food

24 June 2009

effluvium: wild boar on speedboat

yeah, i'm palming the helm
yeah, i'm roostertailing the wake
yeah, i'm tusk-tearing the air
as the wind whips through my bristles.

i will jumpboard that singularity
i will put a cigar out in somebody's eye
i will retire a mothersucker
like snackcakes. don't even.

27 May 2009

let's get tore up

let's get tore up
and buy hovercrafts

let's get tore up
and buy guns

let's get tore up
and buy hovercrafts with guns on them
and shoot the guns
into the swamp

let's get tore the fuck up

19 May 2009

how to get elected to the US house of representatives

i built a gun
that shoots nine smaller guns
with woodgrain veneers

BANG! mothersucker,
you heard right:

i built a knife that cuts knifes,
a missile that blows up & other missiles come out
and when those missiles blow up
rattlesnakes rain down on children

i built a planet
that shoots nine smaller planets,
and also pluto,
which is not a planet
by technicality

06 May 2009

turboboosting the panopticon

i want to turboboost
the panopticon.

let's get a gun
and let's shoot it.

i want to make love to you
like a wild boar bursting through flames,

through a field on fire,
yeah, through a wildfire.

i want to make love
like a wild boar firefighter

kicking down the door
to your apartment.