selleck vs. boar: round 1

oh selleck! let me boil
your browsweat to sea salt
to season my kale chips.

let me consume a meatsteak.
be my arsonist, and i'll be your
boarded-up housing project.

let's meet local singles who love
wild boar hunting, and take them
wild boar hunting. let's build us

a ranch. sometimes i cry
for the poor kids in africa
who can't even afford ammunition.

an ode to the inventor of bloodletting

let us consume these multitudes
of schnapps
and heckle people in the dog-dust streets
if their haircuts are insufficient

let us bellow like hollow bells
across the macadam

let us ride Bently coupes
aim for the sky
cock that shit
then shoot

we the motherfucking people

yes, we will say, I am intoxicated on schnapps
and you?! your haircut is insufficient.

turboboosting the panopticon

i want to oogle you like a wild boar
with lockjaw. i want to smell you

like burnt sloppy joe smoke,
and taste you like gunpowdered meat.

when the gov'nr declares his prostate of emergency
who do you want sailing that stank boat?

sometimes my love for you
makes me want to set fire to a building

full of schoolchildren.
sometimes my love makes me want to unload

steel in your killzone,
that terrorist-shaped target in your heart.

I implore you, my little porkchop: won't you tazer my guts
in the gun-range of your love?

this dick: a treatise on deontological ethics

this dick is a cold war
this dick is on fire
this dick ghost rides the whip with the kid in the carseat

this dick is a planet
this dick is a gun
this dick is a planet where guns sprout from the torpid earth
like bursting turnips

this dick flosses 3-5 times a week
this dick owns a beach house
this dick acted now for a low, low rate of 5.9% APR

this dick can kickflip
this dick is a baller
this dick is huge in japan

this dick, falling, accelerates at a rate of 9.8 meters per second
per second

effluvium: wild boar with lockjaw

hrrrrrgggghh!

hrrrgggghh! hrrrggggghhh!

the invention of love (feat. macguyver)

you make me hotter than a weiner
in a solar-cooker.

you make me hotter than macguyver
building a solar-cooker
out of tin foil and a bowl
and sticking his weiner in it.

let's grill out.

tom selleck

sometimes when i see tom selleck
i cry